Day 3 and the fall...

Okay, so today was interesting. A lot. I got up and got ready for work. As I stood in front of my freezer I found myself facing a dilemma. I didn't want my breakfast burrito. Not even a little bit. What I wanted was a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's. Call it a failure if you will, but I decided I was going to do it. I don't want to fail and find myself binging and so I guess I justified it. I looked up the calories of a Sausage McMuffin (370 calories) and said, "if I eat that sandwich I can't have anything else until I have a snack and then I really need to go light until lunch." I was okay with that. Then of course I had to get a coke. But! All a la carte drinks at McDonald's are $1 and I still got the small. It was hard. I read in an article (apparently I read a lot of them, or I at least will make you think so) that only in America can you pay less for more. It made sense. I really had a hard time paying the same price for a small drink as a large or xl drink. But I did it because I didn't need more (okay, I didn't need that either but it's called weaning).

Ok, so I make stories long. I got to work, I was carrying my precious cargo into the office, sandwich bag in one hand, coke in the other and next thing I know I'm doing pirouettes, spinning in circles trying to catch onto either my car or the one next to it and I'm no longer on my feet. Heck, for all I know I've just done an amazing flip in the air and an equally amazing landing on the ever so practical left knee (right on the knee cap) and left elbow. Actually, my arm kind of hurts all the way to my left palm where the scratches can actually be found. It was like walking on glass in socks. I remember laying on the ground thinking about the fact that I'd just crushed my precious coke. I looked up a little and found it lying on it's side. I quickly righted it before I could lose any more of it's precious nectar and decided I needed to sit up at the very least as I'd seen a co-worker parking his truck in the lower lot and didn't really want him to find me lying on the ground. Oh, I have to admit that I'm pretty sure I said two very bad words. Sorry. It hurt A LOT! I didn't cry though. In fact, when Jim came up the steps I was in control enough to say, "Hi Jim." He made his way to me, asked if I was ok and then collected all my crap (purse, wallet that had fallen out of my purse, keys, McDonald's bag and cup) and took it into the office, but not before he asked if he could help me up. I told him thank you and no, I thought I'd sit there for a few minutes more. I then here Crystal click-clacking her way out to find me sitting in the parking lot. I managed to get to my feet (I can't remember if Crystal helped me or not now) and Crystal was kind enough to brush the coke out of my hair. Oh, I did forget to mention the blood that was welling up out of my knee and onto my pants. It was fun hobbling into the office with my pant leg up above my knee until I could get a band aid on.

So. I did not run tonight. I did however walk instead. I walked at a leisurely 2.5 mph, but I did it for 2 miles (50 minutes). I'm going to count that as a success.

Now for the food. I'm no longer on a diet. I am instead just simply attempting to change my eating habits to be healthier while adding exercise. Okay, so it's not actually simple. What I realized today though was that I can't starve myself and some of my support doesn't think I'm actually dieting unless I am. So, as a nutrition teacher once told me (yes, I actually took a nutrition class for credit my Freshman year of college), diets suck. It actually has the word "die" in it so it can't be that good. Instead I'm going to Liveit. I can't really remember what she called it instead. :) I am still deadly serious about this. I want to change my lifestyle. I didn't put the weight on in 3 months and I'm not looking to take it off in 3 months. I want to change my habits at the very core. I want to eat the good things in life, but I want to eat sensible and healthy portions. I don't want to feel like I'm starving every day. I don't want to think about food constantly. It took me 5 years to put on this last 20 lbs. I will lose 50 in a year. I will lose it by eating smaller portions and trying very hard to eat healthier foods and make healthier choices. If you've never checked it out, I love Eat This, Not That. They have a wonderful news letter that I get in my email. I will exercise which is such a foreign concept for me. I will do it daily. I will go hiking with my husband this summer. And I won't cry half way there like I did the last time we went (and I think I only weighed about 140 then, but I was still out of shape).

So, I'm really sorry if I've disappointed anyone, but as much as I appreciate the support, this is for me and I need to do something I can actually accomplish. If I make my goals unreasonable I won't do anything but disappoint myself. So...Here I go. Today I had my breakfast sandwich, an orange, a 16 oz coke (too much still) and not enough water (bad Kimm). I ate half my half can of soup, some of my salad with chicken on it. I ate an orange when I got home. I've had no chocolate today (good Kimm). I did sneak about 6 or so sauteed mushrooms that I was using in my pork chops and rice dinner I was cooking for the boys. I then used a small roll plate and gave myself a sensible amount of the pork chops and rice. Oh, I read that if you use smaller plates you trick your mind into eating less because your plate looks fuller. I'm going to eat an apple. Oh, I also had a strawberry yogurt because I was craving something sweet. By the time I hit dinner I was really hungry but I made it until dinner. I wasn't sensible by not eating all my lunch but today was not a salad day. I wasn't loving my salad. Oh, and I didn't like the soup. Yuck. New brand from Winco, Chicken Tortilla. Probably good, I just didn't like it. I also made my pork chops and rice with water instead of milk (1 can cream of chicken soup, one can golden cream of mushroom soup). So overall, I actually don't feel too bad about today. Not the best but not bad. Now I get to go weigh myself. Wish me luck.